I have had a lot of wonderful blessings in my life. I may not have had a great blood family, but I have had the love of a wonderful acquired family. I have wanted to be nothing like the backstabbing, nasty, hateful and bigoted bunch that I originated from. I realized this week that many of the traits of my blood family has carried on by me. Turns out, if you don't actually DO things to prevent yourself from becoming you mother or father, you become them... whether you want to or not. Believe me, I wanted to not be anything like them, but I also did nothing to prevent it from occurring. Thus, I find myself being a different version of my biological mother at 37 years old, to my utter horror.
I wish I was wise enough to have listened to my mama sooner so I wouldn't be facing the ugly truths of myself now, but I did not. Now I don't even know where to start! I suppose I already took the first step by recognizing that I have these unbecoming traits. So here I am, an adult who has found out that I am nowhere near the person I wish I could call myself. I will become her though, the greater version of myself.
This is the introduction to my journey. It will be anonymous so I will not shy away from sharing things I would not utter aloud to anyone. This journal will document strategies, thoughts, emotions, epiphanies and who knows what else I'll encounter on this journey. I suspect there will be heartache, laughs, tears and cringe-worthy realizations along the way. Thus begins the ramblings of an adult idiot.